I haven’t been on this since forever. Ahh, last years problems seen so long ago. I’m even more of a fuck up then before. I hate myself even more. Every thing I do magically becomes waste. This is the reason why I hate myself this is why I can be deprived of all things while everyone has the fucking time of their lives. I don’t even have more than two people that I can confide in and one is my mom who now judges me harshly anyway. I’m just a complete fuck up. A complete fuck up who needs to realize that no matter how hard I try or how much I try to be kind everyone fucks me over in the end. Every single thing I try to do to be a better person comes and bites me in the end. These are the times in which I wish I can not be a part of this world.0
I’m thinking of joining my school play version of Hairspray.
My friend kept on pestering me to join and I’ve always been kind of hesitant to say absolutely I’ll join. Maybe joining the play will help me with my path of having a better trail of life.0
Time to study for Euro.
From right now to my bed time, I better explain the whole history of Europe in the most flawless way possible, that my teacher can drench in my knowledge.0
It’s my way to vent just to vent. I really am starting to dislike myself right about now. I used to always be that “smart” kid in a class but now I’m slacking off monumentally. My mom thinks I’m a disgrace for failing my AP class. But the truth is that I’m confused. I can’t understand how that…
I still feel like this. Not as strongly but still I’m on that level of confusion. But, I really have a spot in my body for wanting an AP history class. I kinda want to pursue in APUSH. Even though my teacher freaking cursed me out so badly telling me there’s no point cause you will fail, I want to prove him wrong. I want to recieve such a good grade in APUSH that I could go back to my Euro teacher and shout out to the heavens “GOT THAT BEAUTIFUL GRADES ON THAT ISH” and walk off. It sounds stupid but ayyye YOLO.
When I’m 18, I’m going to be a rebellious piece of work
Like seriously with all the shit I have to follow now, whoo man.
^^^ This is still somewhat true to me. I’m planning to either go to a college in LA or New York or Washington D.C. But, wherever I go, I must make sure that I’m happy.
I hope for one day my questions could be answers.
That all the statements I write here could one day be something of the past.0
Why am I always so jealous?
When I see my friend with my other friend I feel the urge to be jealous. Is it cause I believe that they don’t act the same way towards me? All I really want is for both of them to crave for my attention and my friendship towards them. They only hang out with each other and for some strange reason I get angry within myself. It’s annoying. I freaking hate it. I need to accept the fact that I can’t always be someones favorite. Other people can be in that person’s life as well. It’s probably because I crave for them to want to be like that to me. I need to accept the fact that what I want cannot always be fulfilled.0
I’m tired of my anger. I’m tired of hurting everyone around me. I honestly want to be someone my mom could go brag about. But why do I become angry? Why do I punish the ones I love with my constant yelling and frustration towards everyone. My mom even wanted to leave me just for the way I act. So why do I do this? It doesn’t make anything better with my life. Why can’t I be free spirited? Like a butterfly among the Floridian breeze. Like a magnificent daisy, pure and authentic in every ounce. Just a better version of the one that I call myself. But I can do this. I can become who I want to be. If I just try.0